They will always be our daughters but not always little girls! Time goes by so quickly! So it’s paramount to sow seeds of love, creativity, sharing, kindness, joy, peace, togetherness, encouragement and thankfulness now as an inheritance of great value to be passed onto the next generation. I truly believe and want to briefly share why mother daughter relationships are important.
As a little girl I have fond memories of sitting around a table with a delicately embroidered tablecloth with homemade delights, placed in and around the most beautifully designed teapots and teacups. I would be there with; my mum, grandmother, great grandmother, sister, aunties and cousins listening with great excitement and anticipation, listening to the conversation and joining in wherever possible!
I loved these wonderful afternoons – they were comforting, encouraging, supportive and a very enjoyable place to be. But they were more than that – the time spent together created memories that at the time seemed insignificant – yet became very significant to me years later – they were seeds sown 40 years ago that have now blossomed into Tessa’s Books Of Elegance.
I know that no relationship is perfect as we are all different and therefore I really believe that some of the keys to a better mother-daughter relationship is:
To be flexible. I entered into the mother daughter relationship with the mindset that my girls would be exactly like me in every way; how I dress, look, spoke, same hobbies etc. Not taking into account that as they grew older they would be their own person, with their own personalities/ways/choices/ likes/dislikes. Only a few years ago I realised that I had to be flexible in my approach towards them, as each year brought about some changes and so accepting who they were as a person was a good recipe for keeping the peace and keeping a healthy relationship. A mother-daughter relationship isn’t worth damaging or worse destroying over a difference of opinion like fashion, hobbies etc.
Keep the conversation going. Over the years through doing many activities together like cooking, sewing, craft, art, designing, etc. they were never done in silence – we were always talking and mostly, I was listening, ready to offer encouragement, love and only advice if they ask for it. I was amazed at the conversations we used to have as we were making; high heel cupcakes, terrariums, lip balm, woodwork creations, sewing soft toys and the like.
To actively listen to what she is saying and spend quality time together. This is really also the key for maintaining any other relationship. No one likes it when someone isn’t really listening to them and puts other things before them when having a conversation. So put down the phone, laptop, magazine or whatever it is when your daughter is speaking, in doing so she will know she has your full attention and the message she is receiving is that she is far more important than those other things (Which is completely true).
Ask your daughter for her advice. Over the years I have read a lot of studies on mothers asking their daughters for advice. I didn’t realise how important it was to do this! Asking for their advice is actually really important for their self-esteem and confidence. This means even at a young age if you are doing for example some art- you can ask her which colour would be best, which cupcake decoration to use, the type of colouring medium to use- crayons, sharpies, pencils etc. As my daughters got older I really appreciated their advice in regards to makeup, skincare, fashion and decorating and they appreciated me asking. In doing so you are saying you value them as a person and what they have to say.
Whilst many people regard money, property, investments etc. to be some of the greatest assets to pass on to the next generation, I disagree. Spending quality time together, talking, listening and showing unconditional love are the most precious building blocks that strengthen that bond between mothers and daughters. I hope through reading this short blog you get the understanding of why mother daughter relationships are so important and that our relationships with our daughters may change over time, however the unconditional love that we have for each other doesn’t change. No matter if there is disagreement on fashion, hair, opinion, hobbies, friends etc. the bond that we have is always there.
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